Six Impossible Physical Actions

We all like lists: The ten best this, the top dozen that; the five worst ranking next thing. That’s why the popularity of the Guinness Book of Records. In “Alice through the Looking Glass”, the White Queen believed in six impossible things before breakfast. Exactly what those impossible things were is not stated – so here are some of mine that reside in the land of the physical sciences – action-at-a-distance.

Matter, and the forces that act on it, everyday, in everyway, we note and log examples; from the gravity that holds you firmly to terra firma, to the heat that boils your water to the chemistry that converts your food into you. Unfortunately, some New Age people go way beyond the actual to embrace what’s improbable at best; down to those concepts where the odds are high in the extreme as to be flat-out impossible. For example…

1) Astrology: I’m confused. Apparently the positions of the planets in the constellations influence your destiny at the time of your birth. However, prior to your birth, you existed for, on average, nine months. My confusion is, why didn’t the position of these celestial orbs influence your destiny at the time of your conception? Well, an obvious answer is that astrologists don’t know exactly the moment of your conception, but have on record the moment of your birth. But aren’t the astrologists irrelevant in this scenario. I mean, if astrology has any meaning, it’s just between you and the planets; no astrologers need apply to influence things. Things are fixed and nothing astrologers can say or do will alter the fates.

The next obvious objection is that in an Earth, population seven billion and rising, there are thousands who share the same date of conception or the same date of birth, even down to the exact hour and minute. If astrology has any significance, all these people should be equally influenced equally, since the heavenly position of the planets in the constellations are identical for all conceived or born at that specific time. Anyone care to place bets that what comes to pass for these thousands is anything but identical fates?

A similar situation applies to identical (or even non-identical) twins; any multiple births separated by mere minutes apart, who go on to have vastly different destinies and fates.

The third problem is why doesn’t the Sun and the Moon influence you? I mean they are larger and have a greater gravitational and electromagnetic influence over Terra Firma than Mercury or Pluto. And why don’t those minor ‘planets’ count, like the asteroids? 

Another issue is that we are fully aware today that many stars have planets orbiting around them. Surely these planets too, both discovered and undiscovered, also influence out fate! No? They are too far away? Well, I’d suggest that Mercury and Pluto and all orbs in-between are also way, way, way too far away to play any role in your destiny, at any time; at any place.

So by all means have a bit of a chuckle reading your daily horoscope, but if you take it seriously, then that’s one impossible concept you believe in.

2) Alchemy: If one could really turn iron into gold we’d all be rich – actually not since gold would become as valuable as iron is now and iron would be a valuable as gold. But alchemy borders on the absurd when considering how flesh-and-blood was turned into pure sodium chloride (table salt) as per the Biblical account of Lot’s wife in the Sodom and Gomorrah accounting. Sorry, that’s just impossible by any and all chemistry known to one and all. Now that’s not to say that some elements can’t be turned into others. It happens all the time via natural radioactive decay processes. Alas, iron into gold isn’t one of them. However, no doubt nuclear physicists could probably figure out a way to do the transaction, it’s just that in terns of energy, time and trouble, it would be like spending $1000 to make one cent.   

3a) Mind over Matter: Telekinesis, Psychokinesis, Mental Teleportation and the Poltergeist: Can the mind alone influence matter and unlock locks and levitate stuff? If so, it’s to your financial advantage, which is why there probably is no such mythological animal. If it is a real animal, it’s to the interest and advantage of the military, like the ability of deflecting a bullet or a missile headed in your specific direction using pure thought alone. It’s also an obvious untraceable assassination tool, if it’s a real animal. However, odds on, it is indeed a mythological beastie.

If telekinesis, etc. were really possible, the construction industry wouldn’t need cranes; warehouses wouldn’t need forklifts; airlines wouldn’t need to buy fuel for their aircraft; and if you’re stuck in traffic jams, just use that mind-over-matter ability and fly your car out!

In sports, every tee shot in golf would result in a hole-in-one; a basketball player could shoot through the hoops from the opposite side of the court; every ball bowled would be a strike; and in baseball, every little infield pop-up fly would result in a towering homerun (unless the opposition team used their collective mental powers to bring it back into play, though their telekinetic pitchers would insure that pitched balls danced around the batter’s bats in the first place – a perfect game of 27 strikeouts in a row).

As far as poltergeists (‘noisy ghosts’) are concerned, the near universal connection is that these ‘ghostly’ manifestations, objects flying through the air; pictures falling off walls; odd noises, etc. are associated with kids and teens and ghost hunters put them down to the psychic energies of adolescence. On the other hand, a more likely explanation is that brats are known to get up to mischief; often disruptive behaviour is a sign someone just wants to be the centre of attention. 

3b) Mind over Yourself: Levitation: Moving and influencing inanimate matter via mental powers the throw of the dice and what symbols the slot machine throws up (I said there was financial gain to be had) is one thing, but can you move yourself? Alas, it you leap out of an airplane a mile up without a parachute, will you levitate yourself back down softly, softly to the ground or will you land with a bone-crushing thud? Have you ever known gravity to fail you? If you can will yourself to levitate, then convicts could will themselves over and out of the prison yard and make their getaway. I don’t recall ever seeing that strategy employed and broadcast on the TV news! If you can cheat gravity, what a pole-jumper you’d make – Olympic Gold for sure. Alas, I’m sure Olympic pole-jumping is on the level, since have you ever known or seen someone levitate? Can you levitate? Then what odds that human levitation is legit? On the other hand, have you ever known people to hoax; pull your leg; perpetrate a fraud and indulge in fakery? I thought so.  

4) Pyramid Power: One of those New Age wacko beliefs is that somehow the pyramid shape or pyramid geometry holds some sorts of mystical powers. Food placed inside pyramid structures won’t spoil; cut flowers won’t wilt; dull razor blades will regain their sharpness edge; if you sleep inside a pyramid structure all sorts of wondrous and positive things happen to you. What a load of rubbish! If true, pyramids would be a best-selling item in department stores from coast-to-coast and not just an item you find in New Age shops along with crystals, Tarot cards, and books on transcendental meditation/yoga and the astral plane. Houses wouldn’t be the standard right-angle ‘boxes’ we find on every block, but pyramid shaped. It’s easy enough to do experiments to verify claims that pyramids hold special powers relating to energy forces, but I don’t see any mention of this astounding breakthrough energy technology in physics texts. Fridges are still sold in order to keep food fresh; razor blades are still available for purchase.  

5) Orgone Energy: Orgone Energy was a ‘discovery’ by one Dr. Wilhelm Reich, a noted psychiatrist and psychoanalyst and associate of Sigmund Freud. When he migrated to the United States, one of many forced exiles brought about by the rise of Hitler’s Nazi Germany, he really started to promote his Orgone Energy ideas which he said was a sort of primordial cosmic energy which had all manner of positive effects on those with mental and physical afflictions. It was also responsible for the colour of the sky and for the weather and was the cause of gravity. So without Orgone Energy there would be no galaxies and those other things that gravity is associated with, but on a more personal level, your emotions and sexual prowess was also a result of exposure to Orgone Energy. Overall it was a force that was the opposite of entropy. Orgone Energy created order out of disorder. Wow!  

Unfortunately, Orgone Energy was a tad rarefied, and so one had to gather it up and concentrate it, but fortunately he had invented these Orgone accumulators, which gathered up the Orgone Energy, and patients could then sit inside these accumulators and receive the health benefits or therapy relating to Orgone Energy. Unfortunately for Dr. Reich, this ran afoul of American authorities who tried to ban these accumulators. Dr. Reich defied the powers-that-be, leading to his arrest, trial and imprisonment, and ultimately his death in prison. Some of his accumulators and publications were also burned, supervised by those powers-that-be; rather harsh almost Nazi-like censorship for what was a totally ridiculous concept in the first place.

There was also a negative counterpart to Orgone Energy, Deadly Orgone Radiation (DOR). This too was present in our environment and was responsible for bad things, especially bad environmental things. Dr. Reich came to the rescue with his ‘cloudbusters’, which basically was a rainmaking device, the rain being a useful means to dilute and disperse the DOR. 

Although Orgone Energy has been discredited as fringe science (and that’s being kind), these various Orgone Energy concepts haven’t entirely died out and there are still true believers to this day.  

6) Plant Sensations: By this I do not mean sensational plants, but plants that sense things, specifically you, so let’s call it ‘the secret life of plants’ (I think that was the title of a book by the way). Do you talk to your plants? That sounds harmless enough. Do you expect in return your plants to respond, albeit not vocally of course, to your verbalizations? If so, then you’re a prime candidate for the funny farm! In case you haven’t done Botany 101, plants have no ‘ears’ (or equivalent) to receive sound waves; no nervous system to transmit audio input into electrical impulses; no grey matter to receive these nonexistent impulses far less translate your original vibrations into a meaningful message, like “you’d better put out some flowers quick-smart after all the money I spent on you down at the nursery!”. I mean plants have an IQ of, well, plants. And do plants have a Star Trek type universal translator mechanism?  Take three seeds from one pod. Plant one each in Australia, Japan and France. Will the three plants equally understand that ‘you’d better flower or else’ message in Aussie, Japanese and French? Would the Aussie plant comprehend a Native American visitor speaking to it in Navaho? Speak by all means to your plants if you like, just don’t expect the plant to comprehend and respond accordingly.

In conclusion, I don’t buy into these action-at-a-distance concepts, but no doubt the White Queen is a firm believer in the above six impossible things! However, I don’t believe in the existence of the White Queen either – she’s yet another impossible ‘thing’.